I've never felt my age as I do today.

In years I'm at my mid-point, in heart and mind, most days, I am a youthful late 20 something. Today I feel the whole 38 years, 2 months and 22 days of my life weighing heavily upon me. I have been diagnosed to be in the beginning stages of early menopause. This means that most likely I will never have the children I so desperately wanted.

Yes, there are tests and treatments and things that can be tried for me to conceive. These tests and treatments are, however, extremely expensive. I am a woman that lives from paycheck to paycheck. Between my partner and I, we barely make it by. I have no idea how I would be able to come up with the kind of money needed to do all this. At the same time I know that if I don't try to find a way, I will always wonder "what if".

In my first life, I am slightly overweight, I have crows feet and failing ovaries. In SL at least, I can be forever young, forever a size 4 and my skin will stay porcelain.

Damn the fates, damn my failing body, damn my luck, damn the dream.